Adele - Someone like You Cover.

love, remmygoh

SPM pulak.

Today is the day where SPM results are out. Directly 2weeks after STPM results. Feelings of it had already faded I guess... Not to say completely. But yeah. Mostly are already gone. Saw the smile on my colleagues faces.... Bright fat smile and still have that question running in my head asking why can't I share some of the happiness. Well I actually did come to think of it. All of them did very well. Almost all of them were top in their various schools. Both SPM colleagues got straight As and well my friend, Wern Jun on the other hand got 4 flat and another STPM colleague got 3As1B. Very proud of all of them. Well felt the pinch when I looked at myself having the worst results among them. Kinda sad for a moment but better than before. Not so much of the HURT felt. Just kinda sad I was not one of them. In GOD I believe! I know YOU know the best for me!!! Thank you for participating in my life!:)

love, remmygoh

Faith.

Faith, is not an easy word to say, what more possessing it. I consider myself not having a strong faith. I see a lot of my friends having stronger faith, in fact very strong faith in the lord they beleieve in. I often ask myself the same question: why am I not a strong Christian? A lot of my friends accepted christ much later in life where I actually been introduced to Christ since birth. Mum gave me Jesus the very begining and told me the good values in Christianity the very moment I know how to read. It's the greatest thing on earth that my mum gave me, trust me. However, I'm often confused with the church I'm supposed to attend and how deep my faith is to him. I'm still lost at a lot of times. I'm not sure whether I'm strong enough not to doubt HIM when things failed or faithful enough to thank HIM in everything that he had provided me.

Well, I heard people saying strong Christians read the bible a lot but sincerely, I'm not one. I hate reading. I hate flipping through boring pages and reading thousands of words with no end in a page. I find no joy in any of it even a normal story book or magazines. I hate anything that is related to reading. Luckily I don't hate typing which is basically what I'm doing now. Besides, I don't do daily prayer (except prayer before meal) and quiet time or even fasting. I don't!! So what's make me a Christian? By just praying before meal and go for a regular church service which is only an hour a week? I'm not sure! I may sound like I'm strong in HIM, but I'm actually not. I do thank HIM in things that he had provide for me, but there are a lot of times which I doubt his presence when things in life didn't work out quite well. I do ask HIM why things happened countlessly and question every fault in my life. I am just. It strong enough to say: I'LL LEAVE EVERYTHING TO THE LORD AND HE'LL KNOW THE BEST FOR ME AS HE WILL NEVER FIRSAKE ME! Just not faithfull enough to leave everything onto the hands of the Lord. Seriously hope that I can someday. Just one at when I think ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WHEN YOU BELIEVE IN HIM. I hope that I'll continue to grow in HIM and not being a christian by name sake, but a strong, devoted and faithful follower of CHRIST.

The recent STPM results really strike me. Deep. I finally realize my faith in HIM when I start questioning HIM and doubting HIM. The biggest impact was when mum question my faith. Mum asked "remmy, do you actually trust in the LORD?" and "remmy, maybe GOD wants you to learn a very hard lesson in life" and "your results were like this maybe because you didn't trust the LORD 100% and give your 100% to him but just plain study pointlessly everyday". The last one really strike me. Maybe GOD put me to the test for the very last time in my national exam life. Maybe GOD really wants me to learn how to have stronger faulty in him. I really hope before I talk about impacting the life of others, I can impact my own and start again as a born again Christian.

I start by talking to the LORD more and leave things and troubles off my hands to his undoutfully. And also to go to church every week without dragging my feet there and to start Youth in one of my friend's church. I just hope that I will continue to have faith in HIM no matter what happens!;)



love, remmygoh

Why?

This leaves a big scare in me. I never felt so bad in life till this day. Greatest heartbreak ever. More painful than a stitch more hurtful then being cheated. It's receiving results like this. Never expected it to be that bad. Like SERIOUSLY BAD! I can't really except the fact coz I did study all this while, in fact I put extra efforts in it by going for 3 different tuition classes and a group study with my friend. This is the very 1st time I failed in my test. Almost felt like I failed in my life. How I wished I was the one smiling holding my results, how I wish I was the one who jumped up and down with my results, how I wish I was the one hugging every teacher telling them how greatful I am, how I wished I was the one who called the whole world to spread the good news, how I wish I was the one who took all the group photos I want and chat with my friends after taking my results, how I wish I was not the one who weep while driving, almost got into an accident on the road, cried when I faced my results slip, cried when I saw my mum, cried when I reflect back everything and cry myself to sleep. If only I could wish.
Tons of people around me told me that everything is gonna be okay. I'm sure they worried as they say that. They often think of the solution when they put a pact on my back. They often cry when they saw me crying. Why? Why faults that I've made has made everyone around me to suffer a long? Why? So many questions had not be answered. Why?

The worst is, in the end having people telling me that is because of the subject that I choose. Never actually thought of this point. Always thought that I've work hard enough to come this far and this should not be what I get. However, I didn't actually come to my senses and ask myself this, "why did you even actually choose this subject in the first place?". I did not realized that it was my fault all this time. Didn't realize it WAS MY DAMN BLOODY FAULT. Yes. I blame it all to myself and yes, I am the sole reason I'm in this crappy position now and yes, I troubled everyone around me. Many have warned me about this subject. MANY. mum, teachers, friends and seniors. All these are coming back to my head. I finally remembered every single one that came to me to tell me not to take Maths. After all these advices I still hold on to a stubborn decision which is to take this subject. It killed my time, my attention and my interest in Maths.

I never EVER failed in final test before. EVER! seriously never once in my life time. So, what should I do? I cried. Yes, I cried a lot. Too much that I couldn't count the number of times. But luckily I was filled with my job to fill my time. Even though I don't have the mood to teach but at least it kinda de-stress me for awhile. Work it's the only time when I think of my results less. I don't know what future is there. I seriously have no idea. I just hope that it's not too bad. I come this far not to just be a beggar as they are no chooser. I came this far to at least choose a course that I like in U and stand proud with my humble results. But I guess it's nothing but a fairy tale. No more than that.



love, remmygoh

A lil' Dad's Life

Haha... It's my cousin sister, Sarah. Ive been appointed as her chauffeur and part time care taker. It's a tiring job as she's still a baby and bag to be monitered every single second. The first week, I've been sleepless when my aunt is still in the hospital. I barely sleep and the next thing I know my grandma waking me up to look after her. And at a point I was quite fed up coz I'm still not use to the freedom-less and Internet-less life. It's tortures at first and now.... It's the second week already. I feel so much better and comfortable with everything. I even make time to go home and come back to my grandma's house on and off. I always hear people saying "it's all worth it when you see that adorable thing in your arms". I do agree now! It's worth while when little Sarah smiled at me when I fetch her and carry her. She's so cute that all tiredness are laid off. Everytime when I fetch her, I feel like I'm a dad already even I'm not so into kids. She just make that moment of my life thinking how great if I had a child of my own. She is that adorable! Trust me! above all things, I just wish that I can see you grow up healthy and continue to grow. Just don't forget this AWESOME cousin of yours!