Well, you must be wondering why I write and publish posts mostly on wednesdays. It's kind of time to burn time. Every Wednesday (Mondays in October & September) since 15 weeks ago, I've been sitting in the hospital for a long time now. It's amazing how time flys. I can't believe myself that I've been already sitting in the hospital for that long. Once a week if I'm lucky, sometimes might shoot to twice a day or 4 times a week. What I've learnt from my experience here? Simple. Keep your body healthy or you will just end up here. I mean not that no one on earth can avoid sickness. But just avoid coming to the hospital that frequent like I do or worse, admitted.
This is the very moment that I came to my head. Yes, life maybe is very fragile. Fragile enough to be taken away just like that. But what about life that is not so fragile and still hanging in there? Those who sleep on the sick bed for weeks some for months or years hoping that one day he/she will heal from their sickness or just simply sleeping there waiting to die. That's the agony faced by most patients. As for my grandma, there's no exception. She is suffering a decease that acquires her to visit the hospital every week and take injection every week. EVERY DAMN WEEK!!! Some weeks before, she needs to take blood test every 2 weeks and now as her blood has become unstable, the test needs to be taken every week without fail. Sometimes, she even need to go for ultrasound. It's an agony siting there for hours no mater I'm at the private hospital or the general hospital. The people, the minimal parking space, it happens in most hospitals here. How bout the patient? Worse. She is facing all the pain. Not forgetting stress and other after effects of the injection intentionally and unintentionally.
It's a sad thing that she goes back home everyday sitting in front of a blank tv looking at it for hours or sometimes just stare at the celling for hours pointlessly. We tried to talk her out, Asking her to go on with her life as usual because she can still walk and do lots more just with a lil' fatigue. Which person at your age don't? It's just normal and normal is the subject in most of our conversation to convince her that she is okay. She just wouldn't listen.
What's worse now is that her body is rejecting the injection. I mean after all the effort everyone put in will be a lost just that and no alternative could be taken at all. Its seriously a disappointment seriously. I mean after so long of blood test, injections, ultra sounds and all the other pills she have to take is for nothing. Sigh.
Well that's about it. Still waiting now. Not very sure I can join my friends for lunch later because it will be long. And yes!!! SUPER FRIGGING LONG!!!
Love, remmygoh
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Well... this song is quite an old song and plus... a girl song.. but it has meanings to it... this song was actually one of the songs that I used to sing when I go to my friend's house to jam.. It's simple and meaningful and of course not so much about love... In the vid.. there will be off pitch here and there but yeah... have not been practicing lately. anyhow... enjoy and please leave a comment so that I can improve orgive some suggestions of what song to sing and I might post it..=) visit http://www.youtube.com/user/remmygoh to view my channel!
love, remmygoh
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Happy Birthday Xue Wei!!
Sorry guys for my late post... creating this vid is not easy at all... trust me... so, gonna let the vid do all the explaination... ENJOY!!!
love, remmygoh
love, remmygoh
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Guilt
Sigh.... Where do I start? This morning... I was sleepng.. Happily dreaming away. List ing to the ringtone ringing and ringing again, one after another. It was just a rhyme in my sleep. I heard it, unconsciously in my dream but never wake up from it. I kinda woke up. Blur. Looked around as usual. The phone rang again. Picked up. Patrina, my neighbor was talking fast with a shaky and panicky voice. Couldn't catch her quite well. Didn't know what she's trying to tell me. When I come to my senses, I realized she was trying to tell me that my lil princess is stuck in between my gate and crying out of pain and worst of all bleeding. Without much dressing, I went down as quickly as possible. Rush open the door and run my way out of the house seeing her hanging there with blood all over the floor. I was helpless and so sad and guilty when I saw my other neighbors looking at my dog helplessly too. How can everyone on the street know what's going on except me? Because I overslept? I went back in again running into my room to get hold my phone and only realized the numbers of missed call I had and did not work a single thing on me.
I ran down trying to look for my vet's number. Couldn't find it and searched over the cabinets in the house to recall the name card given to us before.
I called mum while helping Snowpuff out of the gate. She was literally hanging in between the hole of my gate. All I can do from then is just carry her out of it. But she was in so much pain and when she groans I cried a tear deep within. I tried to release her from inside the house. Failed, so I let her go the other way out. Finally she's out. She's still in a lot of pain and loss a whole lot of blood. I left her with Patrina outside and ran upstairs again to my room to change as quickly as possible without my teeth brushed or my hair combed.
Carry Snowpuff up the car after setting newspapers at the back of my car seat. She's in deep pain. She was licking her legs clean as I drove Patrina and myself to my regular vet. Went in the shop having the fear that the vet is not around. Luckily he's there. I told him that it was an emergency and carried Snowpuff down the car.
Set her on the surgical table and Ben the vet preparing alcohol to wash of her wound. I had to hold on to my dog. Pressing her down looking at her teary eyes telling her it's okay. But I know the pain she's experiencing is great and Ben have no choice but to tranquilize her to ease up the process. He told me that everything is going to be fine and he's going to send her back to my house when everything is done.
Besides what I was doing, I had to worry about my grandma at the same time as I'm responsible to bring her to the hospital for a thorough blood check. I was so lost and that deep guilt of mine just drove me crazy! I was so helpless. I went home, bath as quickly as possible and get dressed to take my grandma out. Bydaway, my grandma is not staying with me and I had to rush my way there because the appointment is at 11 and yes... 11 was the time I left home to my grandma's place. Before I start the car, Ben called and said Puff is alright. She's still sleeping and it's best to take her home before she wakes up. Yeah. I kinda understand. I want so much for my dog to wake up in my arms. But the situation just forced me not to. After the exit at north south highway. I was going to the direction of the hospital rather than the direction to my grandma's place. I was lost and sad as I drove. Was blaming myself for everything that had happened. Was so guilty that my dog bleed because I overslept was so so so damn mad with myself for not picking up the phone or realized all the barking outside my house and loosen Snowpuff before she actually start bleeding.
Luckily, after a thorough check, no bones are fractured, no major injury to this old stubborn dog of mine. Just a lil tissue tear on one of her hind leg. Blessed? No.... I could stop all of it if I picked up the phone earlier and helped her out of the gate. I didn't. I slept and slept and slept. She was stucked there for almost 45 mins. And it took me less than 5 mins to help her out. If I would helped her out earlier, she wouldn't be in so much pain, no blood would be shed bit however lesson would not be learnt. Two of the very important lesson in her and my life. For her, stop trying her luck and stop being such a stubborn bitch for once. As for me, I learned not to sleep late because of FB games and YouTube and seriously be more responsive to phone calls. What if there's fire, what if there are some other emergency lurking right outside my house and is needed for my help. I can't just sleep there as though nothing happened. I seriously gotta get over myself over this. It's BAD HUGE MISTAKE!!
Enough said. Guilty still.
love, remmygoh
I ran down trying to look for my vet's number. Couldn't find it and searched over the cabinets in the house to recall the name card given to us before.
I called mum while helping Snowpuff out of the gate. She was literally hanging in between the hole of my gate. All I can do from then is just carry her out of it. But she was in so much pain and when she groans I cried a tear deep within. I tried to release her from inside the house. Failed, so I let her go the other way out. Finally she's out. She's still in a lot of pain and loss a whole lot of blood. I left her with Patrina outside and ran upstairs again to my room to change as quickly as possible without my teeth brushed or my hair combed.
Carry Snowpuff up the car after setting newspapers at the back of my car seat. She's in deep pain. She was licking her legs clean as I drove Patrina and myself to my regular vet. Went in the shop having the fear that the vet is not around. Luckily he's there. I told him that it was an emergency and carried Snowpuff down the car.
Set her on the surgical table and Ben the vet preparing alcohol to wash of her wound. I had to hold on to my dog. Pressing her down looking at her teary eyes telling her it's okay. But I know the pain she's experiencing is great and Ben have no choice but to tranquilize her to ease up the process. He told me that everything is going to be fine and he's going to send her back to my house when everything is done.
Besides what I was doing, I had to worry about my grandma at the same time as I'm responsible to bring her to the hospital for a thorough blood check. I was so lost and that deep guilt of mine just drove me crazy! I was so helpless. I went home, bath as quickly as possible and get dressed to take my grandma out. Bydaway, my grandma is not staying with me and I had to rush my way there because the appointment is at 11 and yes... 11 was the time I left home to my grandma's place. Before I start the car, Ben called and said Puff is alright. She's still sleeping and it's best to take her home before she wakes up. Yeah. I kinda understand. I want so much for my dog to wake up in my arms. But the situation just forced me not to. After the exit at north south highway. I was going to the direction of the hospital rather than the direction to my grandma's place. I was lost and sad as I drove. Was blaming myself for everything that had happened. Was so guilty that my dog bleed because I overslept was so so so damn mad with myself for not picking up the phone or realized all the barking outside my house and loosen Snowpuff before she actually start bleeding.
Luckily, after a thorough check, no bones are fractured, no major injury to this old stubborn dog of mine. Just a lil tissue tear on one of her hind leg. Blessed? No.... I could stop all of it if I picked up the phone earlier and helped her out of the gate. I didn't. I slept and slept and slept. She was stucked there for almost 45 mins. And it took me less than 5 mins to help her out. If I would helped her out earlier, she wouldn't be in so much pain, no blood would be shed bit however lesson would not be learnt. Two of the very important lesson in her and my life. For her, stop trying her luck and stop being such a stubborn bitch for once. As for me, I learned not to sleep late because of FB games and YouTube and seriously be more responsive to phone calls. What if there's fire, what if there are some other emergency lurking right outside my house and is needed for my help. I can't just sleep there as though nothing happened. I seriously gotta get over myself over this. It's BAD HUGE MISTAKE!!
Enough said. Guilty still.
love, remmygoh
The longest ever.
Today it's the most pathetic longest period of time I've ever waited for a blood test. It's like gosh.... From 1130 till now... Almost 2.... 2 and a half hours for just taking blood samples? And bydaway... She's has not taken her blood yet. The number displayed on the screen was 4029 when she took her number, The current number is 4068 and my grandma's number is 4084.... WTH??!!! After so long I've waited.... its just amusing. This doesn't count testing the blood for results. It's just taking blood samples!!! Gawd!!! I still have to buy her lunch, fetch her home and rush back to see Snowpuff. It's just frustrating! I had to eat breakfast here and grandma too.... She ate only one miserable slice of dry tuna sandwich and I ate waffles. But the only consolation is, the waffles here are AWESOME!! The best so far of the number of waffles I've tasted. It's thick in what's inside and it smells so good!!!!
This friend of mine
Well.... Here's a funny story of this friend of mine. I'm not going to share out who he is BUT those who are close to both him and/or me will somehow figure out a you read your way down.
How should I start.... Hmm.... Firstly, friends to me is not just somebody out there who I greet them and wish them on their birthdays or just pretty know on the surface. I do not believe in best friends. However close friend is the one im going with.
Now back to this friend of mine. I can't recall how long have I known him... And yeah... It's a guy.... To me, time doesn't matter at all. The time frame friends know each other does not prove a thing at all. It's just how close you were during that short period of time.
He is special in his way. Who's not? God create every single being in his/her/it 's own way. None is identical to another. None is to posses the same personality and characters as another wholly. He is a friend which I think the most special one. In his own way of course. Not weird, odd or unusual, just special.
He is one of the person who fights with me a lot. We share some common and whole lot of difference! Its like mars meets earth. It's more like quarreling with him each and everytime a conversation begins. Why? Haha. I admit it's my fault of triggering his anger hormones to fill up his body an d almost made it burst all the time. I laugh it off but he will be a volcano that is about to explode! Well.... I don't really care. Coz I know that he might e an erupting volcano this minute and be okay the next. That's one of the quality that he posses without realizing.
I always catch his weakness. Rarely touch on his glorious side. But who don't? Tell me.... I do that to everyone. But this cute friend of mine is a lil to sensitive over things and too many weaknesses to overcome. Time after time I instill friendship in his thick skull telling him I'm telling you this because I care and I want you to change! Wouldn't it be fake if he acts like he don't mind your actions and your character in front of you and backstab you behind your back? I mean I will do that sometimes especially you are a person of no value to me or I barely know you as I have no rights to pass comments. Bro, you have to calm yourself down and listen more. You have to admit one thing. You've been pampered you're whole life and now.... Only now you are experiencing a bit of work at home. No big deal seriously. Everyone has been doing that for a long time and it's just a starting point for you. It's time for you to take the responsibility and show some love to you're family. They deserve it! There are times where obstacles popped out and you must face it yourself or at least try to encounter the problem before pushing it away to someone else and yes I'm talking about your parents. I know they'll do anything for you. They'll risk it all if they have to. But don't take for granted. They won't be here the rest of your life. They'll need you to take care of them at a point when they are weak and helpless. Ergo, no one is perfect. Even I can't do it by myself. Learn now when time is on your side. Feel the warmness of a smile on someone else's face rather a face of "what?? Again??" tell others, send out a message to the world saying " I can do it! I can do it myself and think of everyone else before me".
Another thing is, think! THINK!!! You're a grown man. A man of knowledge and perseverance. Think! Wisdom does not come by yes I know. But you'll have to try. As always, think. God gave us a remarkable mind that can solve from the simplest task to the most complicated one. You seriously have to listen, analyze which is think then only act. At many situations, at many times you failed to do something or even hurt others' feelings as you don't think before you act. I know it's not the same for everyone. But this is a matter of practice. You can do it. You will figure it out sometime. But I seriously hope you'll learn it before you step out of you're comfort zone. We're always here for you accepting your weaknesses bit of course tagged along with some criticism and laughter! But the world outside isn't always like this. It might get you backstab or even getting yourself fired. So whenever you are facing an obstacle, trouble, or even in a decent conversation, think. Think again and again. Its okay if you react slower but correct. No one is to be blamed by replying slow but all to curse if you replied wrongly.
This post isn't a post to brag how good I am or how excellent I am in advising others. It's just a random post about this friend of mine who I encounter so much that I so call "hate" him in The eyes of others. I dont hate him. If I do, I wouldn't even pass a single comment and leave the person as it is as it doesn't concerns me at all. You... YES YOU!!!! Break your tides and untie knots that you have with me and remind yourself, People who comment of you is because they cared not just to humiliate you or to criticize you!! Open up your eyes and look around. Not many close friends around. They're hard to come by. Treasure them. Complain lesser and appreciate more!=)
How should I start.... Hmm.... Firstly, friends to me is not just somebody out there who I greet them and wish them on their birthdays or just pretty know on the surface. I do not believe in best friends. However close friend is the one im going with.
Now back to this friend of mine. I can't recall how long have I known him... And yeah... It's a guy.... To me, time doesn't matter at all. The time frame friends know each other does not prove a thing at all. It's just how close you were during that short period of time.
He is special in his way. Who's not? God create every single being in his/her/it 's own way. None is identical to another. None is to posses the same personality and characters as another wholly. He is a friend which I think the most special one. In his own way of course. Not weird, odd or unusual, just special.
He is one of the person who fights with me a lot. We share some common and whole lot of difference! Its like mars meets earth. It's more like quarreling with him each and everytime a conversation begins. Why? Haha. I admit it's my fault of triggering his anger hormones to fill up his body an d almost made it burst all the time. I laugh it off but he will be a volcano that is about to explode! Well.... I don't really care. Coz I know that he might e an erupting volcano this minute and be okay the next. That's one of the quality that he posses without realizing.
I always catch his weakness. Rarely touch on his glorious side. But who don't? Tell me.... I do that to everyone. But this cute friend of mine is a lil to sensitive over things and too many weaknesses to overcome. Time after time I instill friendship in his thick skull telling him I'm telling you this because I care and I want you to change! Wouldn't it be fake if he acts like he don't mind your actions and your character in front of you and backstab you behind your back? I mean I will do that sometimes especially you are a person of no value to me or I barely know you as I have no rights to pass comments. Bro, you have to calm yourself down and listen more. You have to admit one thing. You've been pampered you're whole life and now.... Only now you are experiencing a bit of work at home. No big deal seriously. Everyone has been doing that for a long time and it's just a starting point for you. It's time for you to take the responsibility and show some love to you're family. They deserve it! There are times where obstacles popped out and you must face it yourself or at least try to encounter the problem before pushing it away to someone else and yes I'm talking about your parents. I know they'll do anything for you. They'll risk it all if they have to. But don't take for granted. They won't be here the rest of your life. They'll need you to take care of them at a point when they are weak and helpless. Ergo, no one is perfect. Even I can't do it by myself. Learn now when time is on your side. Feel the warmness of a smile on someone else's face rather a face of "what?? Again??" tell others, send out a message to the world saying " I can do it! I can do it myself and think of everyone else before me".
Another thing is, think! THINK!!! You're a grown man. A man of knowledge and perseverance. Think! Wisdom does not come by yes I know. But you'll have to try. As always, think. God gave us a remarkable mind that can solve from the simplest task to the most complicated one. You seriously have to listen, analyze which is think then only act. At many situations, at many times you failed to do something or even hurt others' feelings as you don't think before you act. I know it's not the same for everyone. But this is a matter of practice. You can do it. You will figure it out sometime. But I seriously hope you'll learn it before you step out of you're comfort zone. We're always here for you accepting your weaknesses bit of course tagged along with some criticism and laughter! But the world outside isn't always like this. It might get you backstab or even getting yourself fired. So whenever you are facing an obstacle, trouble, or even in a decent conversation, think. Think again and again. Its okay if you react slower but correct. No one is to be blamed by replying slow but all to curse if you replied wrongly.
This post isn't a post to brag how good I am or how excellent I am in advising others. It's just a random post about this friend of mine who I encounter so much that I so call "hate" him in The eyes of others. I dont hate him. If I do, I wouldn't even pass a single comment and leave the person as it is as it doesn't concerns me at all. You... YES YOU!!!! Break your tides and untie knots that you have with me and remind yourself, People who comment of you is because they cared not just to humiliate you or to criticize you!! Open up your eyes and look around. Not many close friends around. They're hard to come by. Treasure them. Complain lesser and appreciate more!=)
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