Faith.

Faith, is not an easy word to say, what more possessing it. I consider myself not having a strong faith. I see a lot of my friends having stronger faith, in fact very strong faith in the lord they beleieve in. I often ask myself the same question: why am I not a strong Christian? A lot of my friends accepted christ much later in life where I actually been introduced to Christ since birth. Mum gave me Jesus the very begining and told me the good values in Christianity the very moment I know how to read. It's the greatest thing on earth that my mum gave me, trust me. However, I'm often confused with the church I'm supposed to attend and how deep my faith is to him. I'm still lost at a lot of times. I'm not sure whether I'm strong enough not to doubt HIM when things failed or faithful enough to thank HIM in everything that he had provided me.

Well, I heard people saying strong Christians read the bible a lot but sincerely, I'm not one. I hate reading. I hate flipping through boring pages and reading thousands of words with no end in a page. I find no joy in any of it even a normal story book or magazines. I hate anything that is related to reading. Luckily I don't hate typing which is basically what I'm doing now. Besides, I don't do daily prayer (except prayer before meal) and quiet time or even fasting. I don't!! So what's make me a Christian? By just praying before meal and go for a regular church service which is only an hour a week? I'm not sure! I may sound like I'm strong in HIM, but I'm actually not. I do thank HIM in things that he had provide for me, but there are a lot of times which I doubt his presence when things in life didn't work out quite well. I do ask HIM why things happened countlessly and question every fault in my life. I am just. It strong enough to say: I'LL LEAVE EVERYTHING TO THE LORD AND HE'LL KNOW THE BEST FOR ME AS HE WILL NEVER FIRSAKE ME! Just not faithfull enough to leave everything onto the hands of the Lord. Seriously hope that I can someday. Just one at when I think ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WHEN YOU BELIEVE IN HIM. I hope that I'll continue to grow in HIM and not being a christian by name sake, but a strong, devoted and faithful follower of CHRIST.

The recent STPM results really strike me. Deep. I finally realize my faith in HIM when I start questioning HIM and doubting HIM. The biggest impact was when mum question my faith. Mum asked "remmy, do you actually trust in the LORD?" and "remmy, maybe GOD wants you to learn a very hard lesson in life" and "your results were like this maybe because you didn't trust the LORD 100% and give your 100% to him but just plain study pointlessly everyday". The last one really strike me. Maybe GOD put me to the test for the very last time in my national exam life. Maybe GOD really wants me to learn how to have stronger faulty in him. I really hope before I talk about impacting the life of others, I can impact my own and start again as a born again Christian.

I start by talking to the LORD more and leave things and troubles off my hands to his undoutfully. And also to go to church every week without dragging my feet there and to start Youth in one of my friend's church. I just hope that I will continue to have faith in HIM no matter what happens!;)



love, remmygoh